Text
May 14, 2013

Some people think I hurt myself because I want attention. Some people think I want to kill myself because I think my life sucks.

The truth is… I hate myself to a point where I think killing myself is the only escape from all the self-beatings. But… that’s also not what I want. I don’t want to kill myself. I just want an escape.

Escape from the bully in my own mind. It always tells me that I’m never good enough, no matter what kind of achievements I have, or how many people I make happy, or the things I have in my life. There’s always that voice that tells me to kill myself every day. There’s always that sudden urge to kill myself. Everything is a temptation. Those stairs. That microwave. That car.

I emotionally abuse myself. And I can never run away.

Text
May 08, 2013
1 note

I’m starting to feel like I haven’t used my potentials in the best way possible. I don’t know what I want from life.

Text
May 05, 2013

“I am a beautiful person because….”

… I’m not ugly…?

Makes sense to me.

Chat
May 05, 2013
  • Me: I haven't been hungry & when I try to eat, I eat very little or I just stare at it. I'm not sure what I want from life anymore. I'm ready to just give up.
  • A: OK, well the important thing is you try to eat. Also, relaxing and being nice to yourself is really important in helping with your appetite. I know you're exhausted but the stress is almost over.
  • Me: I feel like I'm checking out so fast in my mind.
  • A: OK so what could you do to help you feel better?
  • Me: Listening to music and staring at people.
  • A: OK, I like that. Want to try that for a little and see if it helps?
  • Me: Yeah. I can. Thanks.