Some people think I hurt myself because I want attention. Some people think I want to kill myself because I think my life sucks.
The truth is… I hate myself to a point where I think killing myself is the only escape from all the self-beatings. But… that’s also not what I want. I don’t want to kill myself. I just want an escape.
Escape from the bully in my own mind. It always tells me that I’m never good enough, no matter what kind of achievements I have, or how many people I make happy, or the things I have in my life. There’s always that voice that tells me to kill myself every day. There’s always that sudden urge to kill myself. Everything is a temptation. Those stairs. That microwave. That car.
I emotionally abuse myself. And I can never run away.